About the Bureau
The Bureau of Useless Measurement converts real quantities into units nobody asked for. Type 200 feet and the Bureau will certify that it is 415 Samsung Galaxy S25s, laid end to end. It is completely useless, and it is completely accurate.
How the numbers work
Every unit on file is a documented figure: a phone's length from its spec sheet, a movie's runtime, the price of the Louisiana Purchase. Where a thing naturally varies, like a banana, the Bureau uses a typical value and says so. Famous claims and legends are labelled as claims. Each certificate shows its basis and, where available, a link to the source.
The wording changes with the number. One banana is not a long line of bananas, and the Bureau's paperwork knows the difference.
Departments
- Useless: the main collection of absurd units.
- Practical: the Office of Practical Comparisons, for when you actually need to picture a quantity (football fields, highway hours, bathtubs).
- Restricted: an 18+ division with crude language, drugs, sex, and rich people behaving badly. It never jokes about victims or tragedy.
The UC Post
The UC Post is the Bureau's newspaper. It publishes original news articles on breaking news, politics, tech, and entertainment, with a morning and an afternoon edition and breaking news as it happens. Each article is written by the Bureau's automated newsroom from the reporting of the outlets it names and links, and a few of the story's numbers are restated in Bureau units. Every number in an article appears in that reporting, every direct quote is checked word for word, and every conversion is calculated by the Bureau's engine, never estimated. The Post takes no political position and does not cover stories involving harm to people.
Contact
Write to the Bureau at bureau@uselessconverter.com.